i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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