yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
