Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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