Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
