This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
