Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
