Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
