guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
