Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
