Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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