We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
