I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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