well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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