shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
