i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
