I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
