you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize