I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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