so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
