i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
