I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
