I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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