Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
