i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
please come you make the beer taste better
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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