fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Mom said you looked used
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
