I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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