I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Terrible idea I love it
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
