His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
