I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize