Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
