nut hugger
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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