Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
