thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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