forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
