i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
