We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
