why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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