Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
