I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
