the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When did angry sex become our thing?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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