..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
