I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
