Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
