i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
