Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
