I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
