It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Watching her eat just hurts me
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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