i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
