I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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