stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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