remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
