It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
