My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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