There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
