Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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