We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
