If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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