I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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