she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm just crazy horny about you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
