Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize