So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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