I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
