Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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