Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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