Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
