I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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