she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize