The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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