i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
