My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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