she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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