Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
