i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
